Zombieland

The following is an un-published and un-paid writing sample for the Jerusalem Post.

Roger Ebert’s Review

Rotten Tomatoes link

The idea of the sample is, of course, to show if I can write a contemporary movie review.

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Step 1: Find a Zombie.  Step 2: Kill it by any means necessary. Step 3: Have fun. In the new movie Zombieland, Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) and Columbus (Jessie Eisenberg) are a pair of travelers trying to make their way across a zombie infested America. They shoot, smash, bash, and cut through America’s heartland. Columbus has developed a set of zombie survival rules such as: “Beware of Bathrooms” and “Wear Seatbelts.” With his rulesColumbus has survived, so far. But when Tallahassee and Columbus meet a pair of con-artist sisters, Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), all bets are off.

As evil minions go, zombies must be low on the satanic totem pole. They are not particularly fast or agile, display little or no intelligence, yet they are so numerous that finding a replacement must be no challenge to the dark powers. How and why these particular zombies came to be is not clear, but in one line of dialogue they are vaguely connected to tainted meat. Mad cow any one?

Zombieland is a comedy film first, and a zombie film second. It is the newest entry of the comedy-horror subgenre which includes the superior Shaun of the Dead.  Although Zombieland doesn’t achieve any truly scary moments, it still doesn’t miss a beat. Before the third act, where other comedy movies often drag, Zombieland delivers one of the biggest and most unexpected laughs of the year. If there is no other reason to see Zombieland, it is this one scene.

Woody Harrelson is pitch-perfect as Tallahassee, the indomitable zombie hunter. Harrelson is clearly having fun in his role as a foul-mouthed redneck in a snake skin vest. It’s Tallahassee that displays the real talent for killing zombies. He tells us that his mother says everyone is good at something. And Tallahassee is great at killing the undead. Anything can be a zombie-killing device in his hands. Early on he gets creative in his zombie slaughtering ways by using a banjo and gardening shears. But it was disappointing to watch him wield guns for most of the picture. What happened to the homemade mace constructed from cowboy spurs in the back of the truck?

If Tallahassee is the Hulk of zombie killers, than Columbus (Eisenberg) is Bruce Banner. Zombies, you won’t like him when he’s angry. Eisenberg is often cast as the lanky, aloof teenager in films such as The Squid and the Whale and Adventureland. The latter has much in common with the last scene and name of Zombieland. Although Columbus has developed a set of rules for survival and a knack for killing zombies, he still can’t handle the girls. If battling through a post-apocalyptic zombie world doesn’t give a guy confidence, what will?  And so enter Wichita (Stone) and Little Rock (Breslin) to provide the romantic interest and the cute kid no one wants to see eaten alive by zombies. Give the filmmakers credit for making Breslin’s Little Rock a strong female protagonist, even as a pre-teen. They steered away from making her into the clichéd misguided, crying child who always walks into danger, instead of away from it.

Zombieland may not develop the cult following of Shaun of the Dead. And it certainly won’t frighten like Danny Boyle’s terrifying 28 Days Later. But if you like to laugh while you watch flesh-eating zombies get an outrageous beat down, then hitch a ride towards Zombieland.